Not long after the birds awoke chirping this morning, I took my nephew to school. On my way home, I was jamming to some regular pop channel on Sirius Satelite Radio. They have over 150 channels of music and talk radio. I like to listen to BBC and the World Radio Network, but sometimes I just want to jam to some cool tunes.

I decided to take the “Curvy” road home. I was having a blast taking each winding curve with ferocity. As I conquered the last turn, I accelerated with the beat of the music. A speed limit sign of 35mph blurred by, as I glanced down at the speedometer. I looked back up to find blue lights flashing in my rear view mirror. It was the “law”, and she was pulling me over.

So, I pulled over and a really cute deputy got out of her patrol car and walked towards me. I was extremely nervous. I’ve never been pulled over for speeding, even though I do it all the time. Stupid, I am. What can I say? I like speed! I’m a freaking Davis! My family has a long history with racing automobiles. The only reason I have never raced is because I can only see out of the one eye, so that puts me at a disadvantage.

She walked up to my window with her strawberry blonde locks fluttering in the wind, and asked, “Do you know that you were doing 44mph in a 35mph zone?”

“No Ma’am”, I answered whilst handing her my license and registration.

“Ah, your name is Jefferson Davis…that’s cool”, she muttered, as she looked through my paperwork.

“Some people don’t think so.”

“I imagine Rev. Wright would have a field day with you, wouldn’t he”, she laughingly enquired whilst handing me back my info.

“He…He’d have me strung up, drawn, and quartered while screaming, “”down with the white man””, I answered, as I started laughing uncontrollably.

“You’re from Greenville?”

“Yes, I was bringing my nephew to school, since his mother was sick”, I replied.

“Aww..That’s sweet”

“Thanks.”

“You’re not married?”

“Nope”

“What a shame…All right, since you are such a nice Uncle I’m going to let you off with a warning”, she said while handing me the warning ticket.

“Thank you very much.”

“You can thank me by not speeding”, she playfully replied while going back to her patrol car.

So, I have made it home in one piece once again.

The straight up non PC version of this story:

Okay, like, I was speeding down the road jamming out to some super cool tunes by Third Eye Blind, when a totally smoking hot babe pulled me over. I couldn’t help but slobber all over my work shirt as she leaned over into the truck with her headlights beaming into my eyes. I was like a poor unsuspecting deer just standing in the middle of the road gazing into those beautiful lights!

She really screwed with my head. I almost had about ten wrecks on the way home just thinking about that strawberry blonde hair, green eyes, and well, diddies.

You asked for it! A non-PC post! You women rule the world! Do you even realize that??? I don’t think some of you do!

So, seeing as how I’m really good with curves and speeding, can I have an honorary license in Ireland and the UK? I drive on the left side of the road already!

Warning: Never ever listen to this song while under the influence of alcohol! It’ll screw with your head!