holiday | Jefferson Davis

I blame it all on Pope Gelasius I. He’s the one that started this whacky holiday. I jest, of course. Valentine’s Day is a grand holiday for those that have someone and a torrid day of shite for the rest of us that or either too high and mighty or too damaged to be of any use to anyone. If you really think about it, the day is crappy for most folks. People that are married or in a relationship go out and spend money they don’t have in order to impress upon their loved one that they love them.

The whole commercialisation of Valentine’s Day makes me sick, but I’ll admit that it is nice to come home to a cooked meal. That’s all I need to feel special. I believe that I can write a poem far superior to anything poor blokes can buy in a store. Mind you, not all guys can do that. But, they can, if they try, come up with something better than what they can buy. And ladies, if you can’t cook, put on a little something special. We men are easily impressed by little to no clothing!

May I prevail upon the lot of you to dig deep into your hearts this year and do something special for your significant other? The ~~northern hemisphere~~ world is still in an economic crisis, so do yourself and me a feckin’ favour, don’t spend money you don’t have. Pretentiousness and narcissistic attitudes are the reason we are in this mess. Stop it now. The best thing we can all do is learn from our past mistakes and do our best not to make them again.

To me, at least, the most important aspect of St. Valentine’s Day is to tell that special person in our lives how we truly feel about them without holding back. It is better to be honest than not. But, if you think she’s fat, don’t say it! Especially on Valentine’s Day!

There are men and women out there that have given up on ever finding anyone. My advice is to never give up and never surrender. I’ve been kicked, beat with a pocket book (primary days. I deserved it.), slapped, kneed, whacked across the nose (Welsh chick. I was legless, but I’m quite sure I didn’t say anything to deserve a whack across the bridge of my nose.), and used. I’m as crazy about women now as I was in my youth.

Sometimes we have to make that nervous first step, but if we don’t, we’ll never know what would’ve happened. My grandfather used to say that the things we don’t do are as important as the things we do. It took me years to figure that one out.

To all the men out there:

Stop grunting and pointing. You wife/girlfriend is not your momma or your maid. Stop treating her like a piece of property and be glad someone loves your sorry arse. Listen to their overly narrative stories even though you find them horrendously boring.

To all the women out there:

Stop bitchin’ and moaning. Sure, your man is a piece of shite. Well, you picked him. Deal with what you’ve got and try to make the best of it. If you care for your man, get involved in the things that he likes to do and he might just do the same.

I realise this is an oddly formed post, but in my own defence, I am hopped up on cold medicine. I’m going to bugger off to count some drunken sheep. I hope you all have a very Happy Valentine’s Day.

I leave you with something that keeps me busy on days like these. Mind you, this is not my bug, but I do love the sound. Smile

Christmas was such a blur! Only wee bits of it remain in the whacky alternate cosmos that is my brain. The stupid bits remained, while the important one’s dissipated into an alcohol based egg nog.

It all started Christmas eve. I arrived at my grandmothers house fashionably late with presents in hand. As soon as I walked in the door, the Marylanders began berating me with wave after wave of comments and questions about Ireland.

Why aren’t you in Ireland? You chickened out, right? If I wanted to, I could do it, they’d say. What happen’ to the gurl you were dating last year? Are ya ‘tupid? How come ya can’t keep a woman more than a few months?

It was all in good craic. In my family, if the other family members constantly aggravate you, then they really..really like you. Crazy family!!!

“Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee, here comes………..”, my father hollered whilst parading through the entrance like a superstar.

He set the presents down and handed my almost two year old sister off to sister number two. We shook hands and proceeded to grip like we’d never gripped before. Every single time we see each other, we go through this traditional handshake that is really like putting one’s hand in a vice. Whoever can hold out the longest without giving or breaking a knuckle, wins!

He won this time, but only because he cheated by twisting my knuckles in such a way that they stated to grand against each other. Yikes!

After bulling around with the Marylanders and wishing my grandmother a Merry Christmas, I headed to a friends house to watch a movie or two.

Before I knew it, we had watched two incredible 80’s movies and knocked back a bit too much egg nog. I went home and tried to catch some much needed shut eye.

At 2AM, I realised that I had not wrapped some presents. So, I stayed up the rest of the night wrapping presents and reinstalling windows on my desktop. Oh yes, I forgot to mention the hard drive failure, which caused me to lose a lot of files! We’re talking head to platter failure!

Christmas morning, I met my mother at my sisters house to give gifts to my nephew. I got quite a few of my own! I have never seen a lad so enamoured by a skateboard with lettering on it that only a hardcore skater can comprehend. My sister is mad about frogs, so I took one of my coveted shots of a bullfrog and put it in a frame for her. She was thrilled!

Later that day, we went to my other grandmothers for Christmas lunch. It’s always a grand occasion. It’s never as tense as Thanksgiving. Everyone ate way to much. My Uncle went on about his holiday in Florida. He showed off pictures that he had taken at sunset on the beach. My mother got irritated and demanded that my sister go get the picture that I took and framed for her. It was quite humorous.

Anyhew, I showed my uncle how to tweak his images in Photoshop. He was quite amazed at how I can make a picture pop with clarity and colour.

I ended the day on my hands and knees installing base and quarter round moulding around the perimeter of my kitchen. I put in the last bit of new wood flooring today. I believe that I’ve caught the remodeling bug. Kitchen counters and sink are next!