Christmas is a grand time of year, but a strange time as well.  People help other people out when they normally couldn’t be arsed to do so.  It ensures us that there is hope for humanity after all.  I did my bit and gave more than I could afford, but that’s what it is all about, yes?  Mind you, I’m not complaining.  I have a warm place to stay and a roof over my head.  That’s more than a lot of people have.  I do my best to remind myself of that every holiday season. 

I’m going to do my best in the new year to stop griping as much and stop using emoticons.  I loath and love the holidays.  As a single man, I’m reminded more than ever how lonely a single life can be.  I don’t normally tend to think of it, because I have so much school work and work that has to be done.  But, with the free time allotted during the cheery season, I’m reminded more than ever.  Family ask me over and over, “When are ya goin’ get married, JD”?  Or, they’ll tag this one on.  “Is there a woman in yer life, JD?”

As if I didn’t feel out of sync already.  Thanks Family.  They mean well.  That’s just their way of saying hurry up and get married.  My Aunt asked me on Christmas Eve like she always does, so I thought I’d mess with her a bit.

“So, Jefferson, any woman in your life?”
”I sure do.”  I stated with an enormous grin.

“Tell us ‘bout her…what’s she like?”   She asks while smiling and sitting down in an antique shield back dining chair.

“Well, she can be cold at times, but she warms up…oh boy.”  I enounced with enthusiasm.

“Really?  How old is she?”

“She’s fit and has plenty of curves, but she’s 45.”

“Ah, an older woman, aye?”

“Yep, but you’d never know it by looking at her”, I said with even more enthusiasm. 

“Is she a redhead?”

“Nope.  The only problem I have with her is that she’s blue.”

“Oh, she’s depressed…Why didn’t you bring her tonight?”  Auntie asked with curiosity.

“I couldn’t fit everyone in her.”  I stated whilst trying not to laugh.

Dazed and confused, she asked, “What?”

“She’s a ‘66 Volkswagen Beetle.”

Everyone busted into laughter and I was picked on for the rest of the night. 

Christmas was rife with drama not caused by me.  Christmas Eve, sister1, niece, nephew, and myself went over to my fathers mothers house as is the tradition.  My pops, stepmother, 4 more sisters, grandmother, two Uncles, and 2 Aunts were there to enjoy some food and watch the wee one’s open presents.  We all had a blast until there was some drama between sister1 and our father.  It was mostly her doing, but there are a lot of bad feelings there.  Things I’ve learned to accept and move on from.  It’s not healthy to hold onto bad things from the past.  The past is the past for a reason.  It shapes us, but it does not define us. 

After the drama was over, I took them home and came home to an empty house.  But, I started working on photos and forgot all about it.  The four glasses of wine might have helped.  Christmas morning, I arose before dawn and went to my sisters to watch my niece and nephew open presents.  My niece is 14 months old.  It’s entertaining to watch the wee one’s figure out how to open a present.  I helped my nephew put together a big gaming chair he received from Santa. 

Later that afternoon, I took my special chocolate oatmeal cookies to my other grandmothers house for Christmas lunch.  There was a wee bit more drama, but not as much as there was Christmas Eve.  I came home to an empty house yet again Christmas night and passed out.  The day after Christmas, I got a call from my mother.  She had just purchased me a new couch and wanted me to come pick it up.  As it happened, my neighbour needed a new couch, so after two hours of getting the old and massive couch out of my house, I gave it to him.  My cousin and one of his boys came over and helped me get the new one in as well as getting old one out.  It was a task and a half. 

I’ve spent the rest of the week sick with a cold.  The new couch has been thoroughly broken in though.  Hopefully the new year will bring good tidings to me and to you as well.

So, how was your Christmas?

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I rarely write anything overflowing with angst, but tonight I feel that I must.  Sometimes you just have to write what is on your mind and heart.  Writing is therapeutic to most of us.  I scribe diligently in my journal every evening, but I felt that this particular night, I needed to let you all know what’s going on in my life. 

My wee sister called me earlier and asked me to follow her to pick up a live Christmas tree for her to decorate for my nephew and wee little niece that is only six weeks old.  I was happy to oblige.  However, she only calls when she wants something.  That gets old after a while.  She’s just like my father.  The world revolves around her and no one else.  But, she is gorgeous, so she can get away with it.

She, some of her female friends, and I used to go drinking together, but I never enjoyed myself for being a big brother and trying to keep the hoodlums away from her.  She’s a big girl though even at five feet tall.  I’ve seen her deck girls over a foot taller than her.  And, she decked me a long time ago.  I don’t even remember why. 

Anyhow, I followed her to the Christmas tree place to pick out a tree.  It was there that she told me that her and her boyfriend were having problems and that she had kicked him out.  After looking for a long time, she picked out a tree that was a foot taller than her, about my height.  So, she went to her vehicle to get some greenbacks to pay the man.  One of his assistants was waiting on her so he could trim the tree to her liking.  Well, she got a text and thought that was more important than the man waiting, not to mention her brother standing in the frigid cold.  She finally came back and paid the man.

I followed her home to help put it up.  I own a lightweight corn ethanol friendly truck, so I carried the tree in the back.  When we got back to her house, I noticed that there was a car in the driveway.  I asked her.  She didn’t answer me for talking to someone on the mobile.  It was her boyfriends car.  I grabbed the tree by myself and proceeded to carry it in the house.  As I approached the house, I smelled something funky.  I won’t say what it was, but I knew the scent very well.  I’ve got a nose like a dog.  The gub’mint tried to hire me several years ago because of my nose, honesty, and hatred for what drugs do to families.

I came around the corner to find him in the doorway.  He didn’t say anything.  I sat the tree down in the house and proceeded to leave.  I told her to call, if she needed anything.  She knew he was in the house.  I’m not very good with confrontations.  I can’t talk my way out of one or even communicate once enraged.  When I snap, the other man gets hurt and I have the possibility of getting in trouble with the law.  I avoid fights like the plague, not because I am scared, but because I’m afraid of what I might do to the other man.  I keep so much shite bottled up that I have no control once past the breaking point.  The last thing I would ever want to do is hurt someone.  Although some have deserved what they had coming to them, and they got it too!

When I was a lad, me and my pops used to box every night.  We even did it whether I felt like it or not.  But, we stopped boxing when I was around 16 and almost knocked him off a two story deck.  He’s a short fella but can throw hits faster than a machine gun can fire.  We still playfully box on occasion, but it’s all in good fun these days. 

A few weeks ago my sister called me asking me to pick her up from a very bad neighbourhood.  My lovely grandmother rode with me to pick her up.  On the way there, I told her that I was sick and tired of being everyone’s dependable papsy.  I also told her that one of the things that would have been grand about me leaving the country, would have been that I’d be away from all of the drama in the family.  She sighed.  The thing is that I’ve always been there to pull her feet out of the fire and I’m sick of it.  If she and the rest of ‘em gave two pence about how I was doing, it might not be so bad.  But, they don’t. 

There was always drama in the house, when I was young.  So, I’ve never had any use for it.  By the time she came along, most of the drama was gone.  She thrives on drama.  We were dirt poor, when I was born.  By the time she was born, we were wealthy.  I guess it is the differences in how we were raised.  I was raised by hippies.  She was raised by wealthy hippies. 

Don’t misunderstand me, I’d do anything for my sisters.  I love them all very much.  I just get sick of always having to come to their beck and call.  I do have a life.  A very busy one!  I’ll be back Sunday with pictures from the mountains.  Have a grand weekend all…

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In this massive episode laced with craic, Brian F., K8 the Gr8, Grandad, Dr. Don, and myself hash out everything about nothing.  K8 and Grandad savour their Curry while Brian collides with the law.  We discuss the pork industry and the hysteria that is H1N1.  Brian bitches about the cold and Dr. Don and myself reminisce about radioactive snowcream from a bygone era.  We ramble on about a main street trampling and deer whistles.  Do they attract or detract?

Later, we learn the meaning of deer jerky along with every other kind of jerky.  Christmas and wee sprrogs are mentioned as well as court dates.  I wonder about my future wanderings through Ireland with nothing but a backpack, a camera, and a smile to keep me company.  We debate whether Indian food is slimming or fattening.  Saint Patrick’s Day and the roaring Celtic Tiger are uttered.

In the final bit of the show, we discuss electric pipes, podcasting microphones, the best version of Windows, celebrities, the media, camel toes, metro-techies, and much much more.  Please tune in for the next instalment.

Download it Now:  Dust of Yer Boots

Being that I’m a country boy (can’t escape it no matter where I go), I decided to add this hilarious song about a chap that wins the lotto.  It’s called “Toes”.  That’s relevant to Boots, right? 

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Christmas was such a blur!  Only wee bits of it remain in the whacky alternate cosmos that is my brain.  The stupid bits remained, while the important one’s dissipated into an alcohol based egg nog.

It all started Christmas eve.  I arrived at my grandmothers house fashionably late with presents in hand.  As soon as I walked in the door, the Marylanders began berating me with wave after wave of comments and questions about Ireland. 

Why aren’t you in Ireland?  You chickened out, right?  If I wanted to, I could do it, they’d say.  What happen’ to the gurl you were dating last year?  Are ya ‘tupid?  How come ya can’t keep a woman more than a few months? 

It was all in good craic.  In my family, if the other family members constantly aggravate you, then they really..really like you.  Crazy family!!!

“Fly like a butterfly, sting like a bee, here comes………..”, my father hollered whilst parading through the entrance like a superstar. 

He set the presents down and handed my almost two year old sister off to sister number two.  We shook hands and proceeded to grip like we’d never gripped before.  Every single time we see each other, we go through this traditional handshake that is really like putting one’s hand in a vice.  Whoever can hold out the longest without giving or breaking a knuckle, wins! 

He won this time, but only because he cheated by twisting my knuckles in such a way that they stated to grand against each other. Yikes! 

After bulling around with the Marylanders and wishing my grandmother a Merry Christmas, I headed to a friends house to watch a movie or two. 

Before I knew it, we had watched two incredible 80’s movies and knocked back a bit too much egg nog.  I went home and tried to catch some much needed shut eye. 

At 2AM, I realised that I had not wrapped some presents.  So, I stayed up the rest of the night wrapping presents and reinstalling windows on my desktop.  Oh yes, I forgot to mention the hard drive failure, which caused me to lose a lot of files!  We’re talking head to platter failure! 

Christmas morning, I met my mother at my sisters house to give gifts to my nephew.  I got quite a few of my own!    I have never seen a lad so enamoured by a skateboard with lettering on it that only a hardcore skater can comprehend.  My sister is mad about frogs, so I took one of my coveted shots of a bullfrog and put it in a frame for her.  She was thrilled! 

Later that day, we went to my other grandmothers for Christmas lunch.  It’s always a grand occasion.  It’s never as tense as Thanksgiving.  Everyone ate way to much.  My Uncle went on about his holiday in Florida.  He showed off pictures that he had taken at sunset on the beach.  My mother got irritated and demanded that my sister go get the picture that I took and framed for her.  It was quite humorous. 

Anyhew, I showed my uncle how to tweak his images in Photoshop.  He was quite amazed at how I can make a picture pop with clarity and colour. 

I ended the day on my hands and knees installing base and quarter round moulding around the perimeter of my kitchen.  I put in the last bit of new wood flooring today.  I believe that I’ve caught the remodeling bug.  Kitchen counters and sink are next! 

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Hi all, I don’t know if I’ll be able to post anything between now and Christmas, so I wanted to take the opportunity to wish you all a Very Merry Christmas. I’m going downtown tomorrow night to hopefully capture some Christmas spirit on ye ol’ Camera. If I have time, I’ll post some more but who knows.

Also, I received some news from the doctor the other day that was better than any present I could ask for this Christmas. Needless to say, ehm….I don’t really know how to say this politely. I’ve been worried for a long time about being able to carry on the family name, since I’ve had such an atrocious health history. But, thankfully…ehmm…I don’t have to worry ’bout that part…ahem…anymore. I realise people don’t want to know such things, but this has berated my mind to the point of keeping me up at night. Thankfully, I can breathe a sigh of relief, but it is not like I have women in queue or anything….Quite the contrary, actually.

Merry Christmas one and all.

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