Martian Baby

I had a dismaying yet hilarious dream the other night.  For whatever reason, I have some of the most vivid dreams that I can recall on cue than most folks.  It’s as though I have lived countless lives in one lifetime.  My mother is a reincarnation nut.  She consumes books on the subject, thus she enjoys interpreting all of me dreams.

Before I started counting sheep that night, I had been on the phone discussing subjects that shall not be disclosed on the blog.  Sheep started hopping over the bed, so I drew closed my weary palpebras and travelled to that mythical place we call dreamland.

I awoke to a fiery woman screaming for me to get out of bed, for she had important news.  So, she sat me down and told me that I was going to be a pops.

We went to the doctor to verify such a suggestion.  She was indeed with child, so we started making preparations for the baby.  I was a happy man, and so was my family.  I had finally done something right, so to speak.

Eight months flew by with the snap of a finger and I found myself in the delivery room.  The fiery woman in question had transformed from that of a slim recherché figure to that of a bus with long pinkish-red marks along the side to boot.

She grabbed me by the hand and squeezed harder and harder with every contraction.  The doctor told me look because the baby was crowning.  While still under the clutches of her grip, I glanced down discovering the utter destruction that is child birth and cringed, almost passing out.

In that brief second, I noticed something weird besides the budging and ripping of skin and flesh.  There were two green antennae pushing through to the outside world. 

Seconds passed as she made the final push.  I heard a great cry from beyond the belly, and the doctor said, “Look Dad”.

He proudly held up the radiantly green baby, pointing at the ten fingers and toes and wiggling antennae.

“Beep…Beep”  Said the baby, as the two short antennae atop his head darted from side to side and an ominous grin overtook his wee green countenance.

With my mouth agape, I screamed, “That’s not my baby”.

The fiery woman squeezed my hand immensely harder, and exclaimed, “He’s yours”.

“There ain’t no way that martian is any of my genes”, I yelled whilst trying to get away from her death grip.

I ran out of the hospital with an enraged woman and crawling baby Martian following close behind.

Beep…Beep

So, it’s your turn to analyse one of my whacky dreams.  God help you.  :)

Ever dream of martians?  :)

A flash of broken Mirrors

Wednesday afternoon I was in city centre doing a quick walkabout to stretch my legs.  As I sauntered past the white collar littered promenade at lunchtime, a crowd of suits sped past me.  One of them pushed me and my camera gear up against a brick building facade.

Normally, I would have brushed him off as an eejit and went on my way.  But, I had something eating at my gut, so this little incident sent me slightly over the edge.  I have nothing against people in suits.  I have a lot of suits.  I enjoy looking professional, but being that I’m a country boy, I am much more comfortable in denims and a t-shirt.

“What is your problem?” 

He turned around, looked at me, whispered something to a cohort, laughed, and continued on his way.

Just the mere mannerisms and holier than though attitude infuriated me further, so I bit my bottom lip and lectured, “Between me and my family, we pay over a ****** ******* dollars to this state alone every year, so as long as I’m following the laws and mores  of our wee society, I’ll walk where, when, and how I want…I’d be more careful of who I knock over, if I were you”.

“Oh Yeah?”  He enquired whilst cockily crossing his arms and snickering with his twenty something pals.

“Yeah”, I boldly stated.

“Who’s your father then, tough guy?”

““*** Davis.”

“The *** Davis?”

“The one and only”, I answered whilst sighing.

“You’re kidding me, right?”  He jokingly asked whilst destroying a piece of gum.

“No.”

“*** Davis has no son…he has three girls.  I know him.  My firm, *********, does work for him”, he laughingly hollered as a crowd gathered.

“He has six children, whether you know it or not”, I muttered while turning to walk away.

“If I were you, I’d be more careful about lying to make yourself feel big", the chump yelled whilst pushing his comrades forward.

The English lady from the coffee house that I was standing in front of patted me on the back and told me not to mind him.  I had a café noir fuelled walk and went home.

 

Later that night, I was sitting here at my desk fuming about what the bloke said.  As hard as it was to swallow, it was almost the truth.  I had not talked to him in months.  We had a wee bit of a falling out over a wee money issue.  I had called his phone on numerous occasions and left messages trying to rectify the situation, but to no avail.

I went to the kitchen cupboards to fetch some Earl Grey and there peering out of the dark recess was a brand new bottle of a precious beverage from Ireland.  I grabbed one of my grandfathers favourite glasses and the green bottle.  Humour flowed from a TV show I rarely miss loosely based on the FDNY as well as the bottle. 

A crack of thunder rattled the windows, as I searched the darkness for the incoming light show.  The rain had lightly been pelting against the office window all night.  While trying to grab a ciggy and a light, I stumbled a bit not realising how much I had consumed.

I stood at the back door and gazed out into the blackness of the garden.  While smoking that one ciggy, a thought popped into my bevvied head.  So, I grabbed my keys and phone and headed out the door. 

I ran from one wet street to another until I approached the main thoroughfare.  Soaked from head to toe, I stopped and gawped at the quarter moon peering through a gap in the heavy mist.  I gazed at the moon, while standing on that sidewalk, enquiring as to why things are the way they are.  Then, a suburban whizzed by covering me in road muck.

Reflecting Footpath

So, I decided to run to the 24hr bistro, encountering heavy raindrop laden puddles, like broken mirrors illuminated by lightning strikes along my path.  When I got to the bistro, one of the waitresses that I know offered me a towel to dry off and brought me a cup of coffee.  She asked if I was alright, and of course, I said I was fine.  She knew better because I never show up in the middle of the night.  She told me to call Red, an off and on again petite amie.

12:30AM  Ring…ring…ring…ring

“Hello”, she whispered.

“Hey”, I hollered in a half inebriated manner.

“What time is it?”  She pleaded as the ruffling of covers and feathers could be heard over the phone.

“It’s 12:30.  I’m at the bistro.  I need you to pick me up so we can talk.”

“Are you kiddin’ me?”  She enquired with a bit of disdain in her tone.

“No.”

“Are you drunk?”

“Only slightly”, I uttered whilst trying not to laugh.

Click

I reasoned that she was mad at me for waking her up, so I finished my coffee.  The kind waitress offered to call me a cab, but I benignantly refused.  I took my time walking home.  The thunderous storm had passed and a murkiness thick enough to cut through with one’s body had settled in its place. 

It was around 1:30 in the morning, when I turned onto my street.  I sneakingly walked past the other houses, hoping not to wake my ever alert grandmother that lives two houses down. 

By the time I approached my front yard, the audaciousness and silliness had wavered.  I discovered a glint of something on my front stoop.  Scared, I drew closer.  A figure came into view through the vapours.  I got closer and realised it was…

It was her.  She walked up to me shivering, her countenance filled with rage and worry.

Slap

“Don’t you ever scare me like that again”, she whispered in my ear.

I had never been prouder than at that moment.  It was not my intention to worry her or anyone else, but it was nice to know that she cares.

For Her:

Freckles is a savage word.

How about dapples of lust,

Honey sisters,

Blunders of the Sun,

Love in lace,

Damsel’s shivers,

Silent baubles,

Caramel kisses,

Blotch of arcs,

Or a serene flock?

Echinacea Purpurea (Eastern Purple Coneflower)

To Pops:  Happy Fathers Day, dude!  You’ll always be my pops, and I hope to make you proud one day.  A little bit of time is all I’m asking for.

P.S.:  Drinking and smoking are not things that I condone or would suggest that anyone start.  I don’t have an addictive personality, so I can get away with the occasional drink or gasper.

P.P.S.:  Most of us have father issues in one form or another.  Our fathers are our fathers no matter what.  Tis best to love them, because we never know when we or them may not wake up one morning. 

Honour thy Father and thy Mother.

Thanks Gramps

As the sound of splintering white oak limbs reverberated across the large ravine, I thought of my grandfather.  If it were not for him, I wouldn’t have known what to use to shelter myself from the horrendous rainstorm that blew out of nowhere deep in the wilderness trails of Caesar’s Head State Park.  I would not have known how to get safe drinking water, when my water reserves ran out.  And, I certainly would not know how to track, kill, and clean deer or bears, if such an extreme were necessary.

Saturday morning I decided to go hiking by me self.  It is irritating when someone offers to join me, yet he or she only has a two or three hour window in which to hike.  That is utterly useless.  When I go hiking, I hike for at least four hours.  I go on wild walkabouts simply for the journey.  The constantly changing elevation and terrain is better than any tread climber.  The scenery isn’t bad either. 

On a usual trip, I see snakes (this time too), wild boars, bears, wildflowers, and of course, huge squirrels.  It is indeed a treat to hike through the mountainous terrain that is my home. 

Grandfather and I spent every summer of my youth camping, fishing, and hiking.  He taught me everything I know about how to survive in the wild.  He spent ages teaching me which wild berries are edible along with how to clean animals.  I didn’t always enjoy it, but sitting here today, I am very grateful that he passed it on to me. 

His parents died in a car wreck, when he was seven.  His mothers family on the Cherokee reservation took him in and raised him ‘til he was thirteen.  The elders of the tribe treated him as one of their own, even though his father was ‘white’.  He was taught all of the traditions that were still being passed down through the generations at that time.  Sadly, most of these teachings are fading away with the memory of the trail of tears

Gramps was on his on from his teens until he met my grandmother at a dance in 1949.  They were head over heels for each other from that point forward and married in ‘50.  Both had jet black hair yet managed to have three blonde haired, blue-eyed children. 

Everyone called him Abe, because he was a spitting image of Abraham Lincoln.  I don’t know if he fashioned his beard like Lincoln’s on purpose, but he definitely got a kick out of the remarks.  At 6’5”, he had the stature of a giant and the posture of a titan.  Throughout his life, he had five heart attacks.  I never heard the man whine or whimper once in the seventeen years that I knew him. 

When I was a wee lad, he would take me bowling.  This happened quite frequently, since I was sick a lot and unable to go to school.  On one occasion, a drunk started mocking me because of the way I talked.  He made the mistake of calling me retarded.  Gramps hit him so hard and fast that the man slid halfway down the alley.

He taught me a lot about life, but the most important one of all was to keep going down that wacky, and sometimes wicked, trail we call life no matter how arduous it may become.  So, I kept going down that lengthy trail soaked from head to toe and already exhausted.  Five miles later, a few blisters and bruises, and wrecked knees I emerged victoriously.  Fifteen miles through some of the toughest mountainous terrain the Southern United States can provide. 

Survivor Tip:  If you are in need of water and it happens to be raining (lucky you/me), simply ring out your clothes.  I got enough water out of my t-shirt and a few leaves to almost fill up the water bottle.  I could have used water from the rivers and streams that surround the trails, but I would have had to set up camp, start a fire, and boil the water.  Because of pollution and disease, the water in the rivers and streams is not safe to drink unless boiled.  You’re not supposed to drink from rivers right after it rains anyway due to the animal faeces that washes off the banks. 

How ‘bout some pictures? 

wildflowers (by JeffersonDavis) Riverbed Crossing (by JeffersonDavis) Woodland Trail (by JeffersonDavis) thicket (by JeffersonDavis) Raven Descent (by JeffersonDavis) Craggy Falls (by JeffersonDavis) jittery Lensman (by JeffersonDavis) Foamy Pool (by JeffersonDavis)

Lottery

I had the wildest dream last night.  I dreamt that I won the lottery.  It was a magnificent dream. 

Just as I left the petrol station with my ticket, I heard the numbers over the radio of a passing car and realised that I had won fifty million dollars.  I leapt in the air, and yelled, “YeeHaaw”.

I ran inside, knocking people over on my way to the clerk, and slammed my ticket down on the counter, demanding my cashola.  The clerk called the officials and the local news media.  People swarmed around me, as I kept a tight grip on the ticket like a child to a bottle. 

The state lottery officials arrived and validated the ticket.  They shook my hand and offered their felicitations. 

We were directed outside where hundreds of people had gathered.  The media van strobe lights were beaming into my retinas, as I ran outside.  The clickety-clack of camera shutters reverberated through the station, as I stood in awe of the mass of people here to see little ol’ me.

“What do you plan on doing with the money?”  A reporter from a fox affiliate pleaded, whilst ramming her mic in my face.

A great silence swept over the crowd awaiting my response.

“I will give a large sum to charity, and go make things right with an ex..  And, I’ll deposit the rest of my money in the Bank of England.”

A great gasp echoed through the crowd from right to left.  People stood still, with their mouths agape. 

“I’m just kidding…the Bank of Ireland”, I laughing muttered, as I took in the seriousness of the matter.

I had to go to the Supreme Court to get my money.  By then a quarter of it had been sucked up by blood sucking lawyers. 

I put my money in an international bank just to spite the haters.  I picked up Dr. Don, Brian F., and we headed for Dublin. 

The last thing I remember was buying everyone in the Temple Bar district a round of drinks.  

What would you do, if you won the lottery?

I’d try to make a difference in this whacky world.  Of course, I’d have to have Guinness and Bulmers air shipped to me wherever I would be.  

I’d have to by the Playboy mansion for weekend excursions.    ;)

I could ramble on about lost love and how much I wish I could rewind the clock, but I’m not going to.  It’s not over ‘til it’s over.

Never underestimate a Davis.

P.S.:  I sincerely apologise for not being around to pester the lot of you lately. 

Tempestuous Wake

It was a particularly warm and stormy Allhallows Eve on that fateful night.  A storm was building round the ridges of the mountains that encircled the house.  Flaming orange streaks ripped across the steel grey horizon to the west.

Grandpa sat in his rocking chair next to the oil fired stove in the corner.  Unswayed by the roar thundering down the cotton hills, he sipped a cup of coffee and read the paper.

Nanna, on the other hand, gazed intently out at the lightning dancing around the pine trees.  She and I sat on the couch under the south facing window and watched the dark clouds spill over the mountain tops and down to the valley below.

She turned to me with those beady green eyes and elevated eyebrows, and asked, “Would you like me to tell you scary story?”.

“He’ll have nightmares”, grandpa said, as he lit a cigar.

“No I won’t”, I muttered as the wind whooshed ‘round the house.

“Wuuuuhhhhhh”, he whispered while making spooky noises across the room.

“Behave Dee”, Nanna hollered whilst smiling at him.

“Are you ready?”  She enquired, as she looked out at the closing storm.

“I’m ready”, I whispered while sitting Indian style.

“I grew up in a log cabin up high in the mountains….”

“What were the logs made of?”  I asked with great enthusiasm.

“Let me finish”, she muttered as the wind picked up outside.

“How many rooms did it have?”

“Let me finish, please”, she stated, as she and grandpa laughed.

“Sorry…”

“Anyway, I grew up in a small log cabin with eight brothers and sisters.  All of us slept in one bed, except for Frank.  We called him stinky.  He had a cot to himself.  Momma and daddy slept in the main quarters next to the kitchen.  It was a small place for so many kids….”

“When does it get scary?”

Grandpa laughed so hard that he almost spit out his cigar.

Nanna patted me on the head, and said, “Hush".

“One evening in the fall, Carey, the eldest sister, and I went down to the creek to fill four pails with water, as we did almost every evening when the boys had been out working.  We had supper that night without a care in the world.  Dad played the harmonica and mother played the dulcimer by the fire, as us kids sat in awe of them…”

“What happened next?”  I demanded as a loud crack of thunder rumbled through the house.

“The next morning I went to wake Sarah to feed the animals and collect eggs for breakfast.  I found her side of the bed was soaked with sweat.  She was burning up with fever and uttering nonsense.  We sent Frank on horseback to Dr. Billings house a few miles away.”

“What happened to your sister?”

Grandpa laughed again and went to the kitchen.

“Boy”

“By the time he got there….”

“Who?”

“The doctor…zip it!”

“When he arrived, we were all gathered around Carey.  Mother was praying and reading passages from the family bible, while I and the other sister kept cool rags on her forehead.  We had seen it before.  I once had nine siblings, but Daniel died of a the same fate”, she mumbled, as she got up to light another candle.

Nanna ran through the house closing windows, forgetting the one where we sat.  She and papa came back from the kitchen, he with a glass of milk and her with a ball of yarn and needle.

“All of the kids, including myself, huddled around the kitchen table praying and holding back our tears.  We feared the worse for good reason.  We had already lost a brother. 

A great chill went down my spine, as I heard mother scream to the top of her lungs.  Dr. Billings shortly followed by dad came down the ladder.  I had never seen my father that way.  He had no expression on his face.  It was as though there was no soul in his body.  Frank and the four other boys followed him outside.  Sarah, the youngest of the bunch, and myself went up to find mother cradling Carey in her arms.

Mother rocked back and forth all night with Carey, stroking her hair and singing to her.  The next morning we discovered Carey dead in mothers sleeping arms.”

“What did she die of?”

Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever…Damn ticks!”

“Me and mother dressed her in her favourite dress that father had purchased for her while on a trip to Raleigh.  All of our friends and neighbours showed up that afternoon at the church for the wake.”

“You didn’t wait three days?”  I asked with curiosity

“We didn’t embalm people on those day, so the faster the better.”

“Oh!”

“That night, mother woke up screaming.  None of us could sleep, so she told us about her nightmare.  She had dreamed that Carey wasn’t dead and that she was still alive.  Mother demanded that we go dig her up right then in the dead of night. 

Daddy cracked open a bottle of moonshine and paced back and forth in the tiny kitchen.  She became increasingly excited and pleaded with us to dig her up.  Father tried to calm her down but to no avail. 

At daybreak the next morning, I awoke still sitting at the kitchen table.  Mother and father were gone.  Fearful of what I might see, I ran to the church.  Just as I approached the church, I heard mother wailing.  I turned the corner of the church to discover the preacher and my parents crying and leaning over the freshly dug up casket.

As I ran towards them, the preacher screamed and motioned for me to stop.  I kept runnin’…”

“Was she still alive?”  I pleaded, as my eyes grew to the size of the oatmeal pie that grandfather was devouring.

“What I…what I saw has stayed with me all of my life”, she said, as she gulped and turned to the light show outside.

“Father turned with rivulets of tears streaming down his cheeks and cried for me to stop.  I didn’t.  I discovered my beautiful sister in shambles.  We had buried her alive.”

“Oh God”, I yelled as a limb on the pine tree outside the window splintered and broke.

“Her long elegant fingers had been whittled to nubs, and all of her hair had been ripped out.  Small gashes and blood covered her face and arms.  I turned away from the horrific sight to find the top of the casket.  On the underside of it a message was inscribed”, she muttered, as her voice shook with fear.

“What did it say?”  I demanded, as my eyes twitched.

“It said, “”I curse all that put me in this box for all eternity and wish you all a happy Allhallows Eve””, she whispered whilst cackling like an evil witch.

“Aaarrgghhh”, I yelled!

“She really did have a sister that was buried alive”, grandpa muttered whilst lighting another cigar.

At that moment, lightning struck a tree in the yard, setting it ablaze.  Grandpa fought the wind and hail long enough to put out the fire. 

He ran back inside, and yelled, “A tornado is a comin’”.

We huddled together in the bathroom until the tornado passed.  It skipped over his house and ravaged several homes a few streets over.  I never forgot that night, nor did I quit asking about the girl in the coffin.  He swore it was true, but she never would confirm it.