Category Archives: Short Stories

Redlight Antics

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A few days ago I entered a pact with K8 the Gr8.  If one of us blogs, the other has to.  It has worked out great and finally got me off my arse and got my fingers on the keyboard where they belong.  I’m writing whatever comes to mind, ‘til I can sort out some short fiction that I’m working on.

This evening, I decided to go down to city centre to peruse the park and surroundings and hopefully get some pictures.  I got more than I bargained for, but I like surprises.  I was making my way through the exhaust fumes of the traffic, when out of the corner of my eye I caught a glimpse of a redhead that that I know standing on the corner when I was about to turn.

I rolled down the window, leaned out, and said, “Hey Red, come here”.

 

She looked over while jabbering something inaudible on her mobile.  She came running over with those beaming green eyes and her infamous strawberry golden ringlets flailing in the summer zephyr.

“What are you doing down here?”  I asked whilst observing the man in a BMW convertible, grinning from ear to ear.

“I’m down here to meet some girlfriends for dinner”, she said whilst leaning into the truck.

“Can I come along?”  I asked while watching her look at herself in the side mirror.

The light is about to turn green by this point.

“No”, she exclaims.

“Get your cute butt in here and you can hang out with me ‘til they get here.”

She hopped in the other side and I looked over at the guy in the BMW.  He shook his head, and yelled, “Man, I ain’t never seen a white boy pick up a chick like that.  You sure you’re not part brother?”

“Hey, I’m everyone’s brother”, I said, as I laughingly pulled away.

She hung out with me while I took pictures and told me about every minute of everyday I had missed.  She talks 24/7!  Smile

The girls showed up and they went off to play.  I love her to bits, but my patience for her antics is finite these days.  Actually, she and Scarlet from a previous post are a lot alike.  That’s what scares me!  What can I say, I have a genetic predisposition for redheads.  Smile

 

Hey barkeep, tell us the story.

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In the previous post, I discussed a party I went to over the previous weekend.  Believe it or not there was more to that party.  The music may have slowed a bit, but it didn’t stop ‘til dawn.

I find myself behind the bar serving shots of Vodka, Whiskey, Scotch, and Bourbon.  There were three or four men wobbling around, smoking cigarettes, and laughing.  The atmosphere was one of a man cave.  Smoke is so thick I can barely see to pour.  And, the rolling stones are blaring through a myriad of speakers inside and outside on the deck.  All of this is going on at about 3AM.

One of the blokes holds up his glass, and says, “Here, Here”.

“What are we celebrating?”  Asks another whilst trying not to fall backwards.

“Your health”, says I.

Everyone busts into laughter, spilling expensive booze in the process.

“To America and Ireland, may they both shine brightly again(A mate that has researched his ancestors since I told him of my adventure researching mine.).”

“I’ll drink to that”, says I, whilst pouring myself a shot of Jameson.

One of the guys drunkenly spills his booze.

“Don’t worry about it.  Not even the president can do it right”, says I whilst laughing.

“So JD, is it true that European women don’t shave?”  One of them ask a bit arrogantly.  You tell one person something in confidence and then everyone knows.

“Ah come on fellas.  Go over and find out for yourselves.”  Says I, trying to change the subject.

“Was she bare, bikini waxed, or natural?”  One of them asks like a giddy school boy.

I looked around the room.  There were no women in sight, so I said something inappropriate and all of the guys laughed.  About that time I heard a shuffle behind me.  It was a good friends wife whom I immensely respect.  She didn’t say anything standing there with a handful of rubbish.   She just gave me the look of disappointment that is worse than a stabbing.

“What would you expect me to say, you know what she did?”  I pleadingly yell, trying to excuse my own ignorance.

“I’d expect you to tell them to mind their own damn business”, says she whilst going up the stairs.  She has been a good friends throughout the years.  Disappointing her is like disappointing my mother or an aunt.

“I’m proud of ya, JD”, says one of them whilst heading up the stairs to pass out.

That’s when I went and sat by the waters edge and listened to the serene rhythmic terpsichore of the water lapsing against shoreline.

Point of post:  When it comes to your women, present or past, gents, keep your mouths shut.  I know better but half drunkenly rambled on anyway.  Me running my mouth was what started our demise in the first place.  Smile

Scarlet Yarn

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“I don’t care if a guy has money”, says she, a scarlet temptress..

A friend and I laughed so hard we almost spilled our booze.  The atmosphere transformed from one of laughter to one of insanity not long after that.

A person can observe more of the good and bad bits of humanity in an hour at a party than they can in a week on the streets.  I attended a huge party this past weekend, celebrating Memorial Day.  I laughed more in an hour than I probably have in a month.  Watching people fall down in a drunken stupor is quite hilarious.  I am old enough and wise enough to know my limits.

Parties evolve in layers.  The first layer is one of welcoming each other to the party, finding the secret stash of booze and food.  The second layer is one of happiness and hilarity when everyone starts loosening up and telling stories from the past.  The third is one of hilarity and telling secrets that should not be told.  The forth is a layer of watching the lightweights pass out in their own vomit and laughing about it.  The fifth is one of seriousness and solidarity, when people really show their true colours.

I spent most of the evening talking to different people, trying to catch up on who was doing who.  One woman with blonde hair glistening in the moonlight caught my eye as she approached the house from the dock sitting so elegantly in the still water.

“Please excuse my hair…It’s a mess”, she said with an enormous smile, as she bundled it into a ponytail.

“You look great anytime, girl”, I said while grinning from ear to ear.  (Mind you, in the Southern US, we call a woman a girl until she’s old and wrinkled.)

She giggled and tried to cover her smile.

“I’m in my “”I don’t give a damn, I’m at the lake”” outfit”, I laughingly muttered whilst pointing at my torn denims and T-shirt.

She laughed again.

As I was about to say something quite cunning, Scarlet (That’s what I’ll call her.) poked me in the back.

“Hey, it’s your turn for shots, JD”, Scarlet said, as she weaved her drunken way back up the path.

“IS she…?”

“No, she’s dating a friend of mine”, I muttered with a bit of a jocular tone.

“Good thing it’s not you, she looks bossy”, said she with a big smile.

“Are you here with…?”

“I’m flying solo tonight, (Name withheld out of respect.)”, I said with a bigger smile.

About the time I was going to ask her if she wanted a drink, a few blokes came up from the dock.

One of them playfully grabbed her by the arm, and asked, “Who is this?”

“This is JD…We’ve known each other for ages”, she muttered with a bit of trepidation.

“Well, I better get up there before Scarlet comes back and drags me back”, I mumbled whilst making my way back up the path.

I turned around and she gave me that “save me from these idiots” look, but I was angry that she came with someone else so I continued up to the party.  We crossed glances a few more times before she left with the idiots to go to yet another party.

A mate of mine kept pushing Scarlet to do more shots.  I caught him throwing good Grey Goose into a flower pot while she wasn’t looking.  I knew what he was up to, but I’d never do anything like that.  Of course, I have values and morals that keep me from doing a lot of things.  As much as I hate them sometimes, they do keep me out of trouble and out of the emergency room.

As the night grew longer, Scarlet slurred more and began saying things that a woman of any age should not say.  I was not sober but far from drunk, so I did my best to keep her from doing something she’d regret.  I went outside and told my friend, her boyfriend, that he needed to take her upstairs before she did something stupid.  He enquired as to what we be so stupid.  I didn’t have to say anything, nor would I.  He went in and a few minutes later she was barfing and finally went to sleep.  The ambiance was far from tranquil as I perused the yard, poking passed out people, trying to get them to go inside.

I sat in the darkness at the waters edge, enjoying the sweet sound of peace and the occasional splash of a bass breaking the waters still surface.  I went to my beloved car and scribed two poems.  Eventually, I passed out in the Beetle.

The next morning, I awoke to a crisp sunrise and people snoring.  When Scarlet finally got up, I didn’t get a thank you, but I didn’t expect one.  People rarely remember the stupid shite they do when they are legless.  Sometimes I get sick and tired of being everyone’s big brother, but it does have its rewards.

It is not my intention to imply upon the reader that parties are bad or that drinking is bad.  I had a blast and will do it again.  But, there are some undertones that could use some discussion.  I wish I could go into more detail about Scarlet and the other woman, but I do not betray peoples trust.  And, no crimes were committed thanks to yours truly.  Watch how much you drink and keep those you care about close to you.  And, for the love of God, if you are crazy about someone, let them know.  They may feel the same way.  At least you’ll know one way or the other.  Learn from me, a rover, and I’ll learn from you.

 

Daring Moonbeams

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I lay in a deep slumber after a week of travelling and an arduous workload. 

buzz….Ring….buzz…Ring….Ring

I awake to a fuzzy and out of focus bedroom with moonlight still filtering through the curtains.  An eerie tune pierces my subconscious, as I glance over to find my mobile vibrating across the bedside table.  I go to grab it but my arms are not quite obeying my brain yet.  Finally, I make more effort and am able to grab it.  I gaze, vision still blurry, at the caller id and lay in shock for a moment.

It can’t be.  What’s she doing calling me after all of this time?

In disbelief, I answer the incoming call.

“Hello”, I mumble in disbelief.

“Hello stranger”, a quirky feminine voice says.

“What time is it?”  I demand while wiping sleepiness from my eyes.

“It’s time for you quit dreaming and talk to me.  It’s 9A.M. and brilliant out.”  She states in a chipper tone.

“Aaarrgghh….That means it is 4A.M. here”, I exclaim while trying to get my bearings.

“Early to bed, early to rise, right?”

“Auld Ben would be proud to know that his proverbs are still being reverberated around the globe”, I mutter whilst primping.

“I would hope so, yes.”

“I’m very glad to hear from you, but it’s early so what are you after?”

The silence and lulling buzz of thousands of miles of wires is deafening.

Don’t screw this up JD.  She called for something. 

“I’m sorry.  It’s just early and you know how I am before dawn”, I utter in an apologetic fashion hoping to hear her beauteous vocalisations again.

“I called because….”  Her voice broke while trying to tell me why she was calling.

“It’s alright.  You can tell me.”

“I…..   I had a dream about you last night.  I dreamt that I was walking alone in a moony ancient misty woodland.  instinctively, I walked between two rows of old oak trees.  I searched through the hauntingly thick fog to no avail.  I could only see the naked limbs of the trees stretching out and almost touching one another above my head.  I peered through the bare branches to discover a clear yet starless night sky.  Only a lone and focused moonbeam lit the path ahead of me….”

“Oh, this is getting good…”  Says i with a wee bit of a humorous tone.

“Don’t interrupt.  Anyway, as I was saying, I was following this moonbeam through an ancient woodland when a silhouette came into focus.  I couldn’t tell who it was but I felt that I had to reach that person, so I walked faster being guided by the brilliant moonlight.  The light stopped and shone on the person at the end of the forest.  Suddenly I realised that it was you standing at a fork in the path spreading out in four directions.  You motioned for me to come closer.  My heart was racing, as I jumped into your warm embrace.  You grabbed my hand and a brilliant white light flooded the dark forest with rays of a warm summers day.  In an instance, we were standing atop a mountain overlooking a valley covered in wildflowers….”

“Wow”, I yell in awe of her incredible story.

“Almost finished so zip it.  Anyhow, we ran through the wildflowers hand in hand laughing and….”

“What else did we do?”

“You took me to a clearing in the tall wildflowers where a cloth had been laid and food was waiting.  We talked and laid there for hours and you promised to never leave me.  We fell asleep in each others arms.  I awoke to find myself back in the misty woodland.  I searched and cried your name in that lonesome place for what seemed for an eternity.  I woke up this morning screaming your name.”  She cried, whilst trying to hold back her emotions.

“I bet yer husband didn’t like that?”  I laughingly enquire.

“We…We are separated.   I couldn’t care less what that gobshite thinks.”

“Are you serious?”

“Yes, I tried to make it work but we got married for all of the wrong reasons”, she answers, as her tears rush through the phone weakening my knees.

“I’m sorry.  I know….”

“Dammit, it’s yer fault”, she exclaims whilst squalling.

“How is it my fault”, I demand in a serious tone.

“Because…Because, I still love you, Jefferson Day-vees.”

A great chill ran down my spine as a lone tear ran down my sleepy countenance.  I had waited so long to hear those words from her. 

“I have never stopped loving you, my dear”, Says I, as a warm surge of life leapt back into my body. 

“Well then, come and see me, and let us see how it goes.  I can’t the weight of being without you any longer.”  She pleads whilst breaking down over the phone.

“I’ll be on the next plane out, so I should be there by tomorrow morning”, Says Iin a hurried manner.

“Call me back as soon as you get an arrival time and gate number.  I’ll be there to pick you up.  I love you.”

“I love you too.  I’ll see you soon.”

The next thing I knew, I was packed and on a plane crossing the Atlantic.  As the plane approached and crossed over the familiar rolling green hills, I couldn’t help but smile, knowing that she’d be in my arms in just under an hour.  While looking out at the cloudless horizon, which was rare for this area around this time of year, I discovered a bright orb approaching our position at an incredible speed.  It was flying towards the very window overlooking the left wing that I was facing. 

Suddenly, I was blinded by the incredible radiance emanating from the orb. 

I jumped from my seat screaming her name and realised seconds later that I was back in my bedroom alone.  It took several minutes of head scratching to realise that the entire episode was just a mere dream and that I was back in the real world. 

Exhausted and in disarray from such an eerie dream, I slowly looked out the window to see a bright and tepid Saturday morning.  So, I got ready and went for a walk in the sunshine to clear my head.

Sometimes I wonder why we have such whacky dreams.  Mind you, I had to fill in a few gaps where the woolgathering memory lapses.  I’ve never been able to understand why I and others can remember our dreams and others can’t recall anything from a dream.  I think our dreams are an effort of our subconscious  enacting what we truly want.  Some may dream of flying into space, while others may dream of changing something in their lives or hearing words they’ve wanted to hear but know they’ll never hear. 

Dreamland is a mysterious place to visit but not a place to stay.  :)

Campin’

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On the 13th of this month, Dr. Don, his three boys, and myself went on a camping trip up to the mountains.  I had promised them a camping trip several months back and the start of school was near.  So, we headed up the winding roads with camping gear and food.

I made the campsite arrangements over the phone.  I asked the kind lady to give us a riverside site close to the trail entrance.  I knew we’d be carrying a lot of gear up the rocky trail and wanted to make it as easy as possible on the lads. 

We arrived and geared up.  I carried 80lbs. worth of supplies in my backpack along with the tent and a lantern.  After going about a mile up the trail, we collapsed at the first bivouac.  It was number eight, so I left the kids and headed further up by myself to see what the next number was.  The next one was number nine.  I surmised that the lady put me at the other end of the trail which was another seven miles up a craggy path.

After talking to a few hikers, we decided to take number eight since no one was using it.  After all, I paid for a full size site, so it was not like I would be cheating the park service out of any money. 

The kids went fishing while I put up the tent.  Dr. Don’s only duty was to bring dry wood.  He brought WET wood.  It took us about half an hour to get the fire roaring.  He crashed in the tent, and I started unpacking supplies.  The boys returned with a bucket full of wee trout for eating.

I decided to return to the truck to get some fuel for the lantern.  I discovered the ranger looking at my truck, when I got to the parking lot.  He asked what site we were on and I explained our wee dilemma.  We went to the rangers station to see if anyone would be staying on #8 that night.  Unfortunately, someone was supposed to be on that site that evening, so he checked to see if anything close was available. 

Luckily, #9 was available, so I headed back up the trail with the bad news that we’d have to move.  I told the lads that there was a much better site on the other side of the ridge and proceeded to pack up the tent and supplies. 

campfire

Again, we headed up the rocky path to our new destination.  We arrived and unpacked yet again.  The youngsters played in the river, as I worked on yet another fire.  Dr. Don took another nap!  You would truly be amazed how quickly a fire can boost moral.

Dr. Don’s oldest son and myself worked on the fire for almost an hour before we got it roaring.  The lads wanted to cook their fish over the fire.  I laughed and told them how good they were going to taste when the guts exploded.  So, I taught the boys how to clean fish.  We cooked steaks, trout, and beans over the open flame.  Protein is a must when out in the wilderness. 

As darkness fell over the pine laden mountain range, the lads roasted marshmallows and told scary stories.  I sat back and inhaled the crisp mountain air.  There’s nothing better for what ails you than a bit of time with nature.  It helps us appreciate what we have. 

We all turned in quite early, exhausted from the trip.  But, about midnight nature called and I had to oblige its beckoning.  When I returned from the woodlands illuminated by a lantern, I discovered a figure sitting by the fire.  Dr. Don’s eldest was up as well.  He couldn’t sleep, so we decided to make a late night trip back to the truck to get more water for the morning. 

Only illumined by the wee lantern, we found the trail brimming with life.  We encountered field rats, eastern diamondback rattlesnakes, and king snakes.  We were very wary of the diamondbacks!  It would be unwise to leave one’s tent open at night.  They like warm places.

The next morning we got up and made a unanimous decision to hike up to Rainbow Falls which is only about three more miles up the trail.  However, it is one of the hardest trails to hike around due to the 2,000 foot ascent.

The boys were so excited and in such a hurry that we missed the turn off.  We continued on Jone’s Gap Trail ‘til we reached Jone’s Gap Falls.  We were content with that, so we settled down and let the boys play on the slippery rocks for about an hour.  They climbed the rocks and slid down to the collecting poll at the bottom of the falls.  I had a blast just watching them have so much fun.

Jones Gap Falls

We arrived back to our tent without any water.  I have excellent water purification skills but did not want to take a chance on the lads getting sick.  So, we packed up and headed home.  The lot of us went home exhausted yet happy.  The lads are still telling stories of our escapades in the woods, and I have a new appreciation for the loo!   :)

P.S.:  Like a true eejit, I left me camera at the door on my way out.  All photos were taken with my phone.  A bit crappy, but eh?