On the morn of June 5th, 2006, I made a promise that I intended on keeping. I left part of myself behind in that far away land.  Everything was so…so grand!  Why oh why did I leave without making a stand?  I was scared.  I could have held on forever and never left such an exquisite fawn.  I disown-ed myself that day.  A morn that captured my imagination, as I observed the green scenery whiz by on that train from Belfast to Dublin. A thorn stayed lodged in my heart for what I had sworn.  I am now freed of the thorn that en-slave-d me and am holding the rose that she gave me. 

My point to all of this gibberish is to hold on to the good memories and try to move beyond the bad ones.  It is better to step back and remember all of the grand memories than it is to focus on the few bad ones.  I put myself through far too much suffering!  I felt guilty for something that I shouldn’t of felt guilty for.  Besides, I am going back!  I’ll just be about a year and a half late.  I always do what I say, even if it takes me a while! 

As the date for my departure grows nearer, I’ll post more about my experiences in Ireland and the UK last time.  The poem below is the first teary poem I ever wrote!  I never was much of a poet, until I went to Ireland.  I was inspired and though the inspiration to write poems has faded a wee bit, I still write them.  It is a bit simple, but it gets the meaning across well.  I never did finish it.  A friend helped me with it, but I have never been satisfied with anything so it is still not finished.  It is far from my best, but one that holds a lot of meaning for me. 

P.S.:  Go ahead and give me grief ’bout the U2 video, "One", below.  I can handle it! 

Salty Lips

Tears run deep

Even in sleep

Every tear that flows,

Causes me great sorrow

Tears flow along her face,

Tears caused by my disgrace,

And shimmer down her cheeks.

Whimpering in defeat

Pooling in her lips

For I’m such a fool

A fool in vain

For the tears are falling like rain

Tears falling from her chin

Falling to the ground

Gathering in a mound

Tears will dry,

When I come through the sky.

Wipe those tears away baby,

Because I’m coming to stay.

I’ve kissed your lips

And felt your breath

A sweet embrace

That will never be misplaced

-Jefferson Davis-

While treading the long and somewhat gruelling path to Raven Cliff Falls, I bounced ideas through my head until coming up with two poems.  When I reached the summit, I jotted them down so as to edit them later.  One is about life and seeing what we want to see.  The other is about a certain lass, but she doesn’t deserve it at the moment.  It is strange isn’t it, when faced with such natural beauty that would normally empower me to scribe pastoral prose ’til my digits bled, I couldn’t do anything but think about her and wonder if she was okay and having a good trip.  I am cursed, I know. 

I am truly enthralled by mountains.  They whisper tales to me, as I trod cross debris of a timeless conquest.  We humans tend to think we know it all, when in reality, we know very little about this gorgeous rock we call home.  There is a lot of sorrow and pain in this world, so it is up to each of us to try and make a difference.  Help people that can’t help themselves.

Before going on my hike, I stopped by the rangers station to get a map.  I was a bit distraught when I arrived, pondering life, love, and what not.  I entered the dimly lit rangers station and was welcomed by the loveliest ranger lady I had every met.  I asked for a map of the trails, so she commenced to digging behind the rustic and tattered oak countertop.  She smiled and asked for two dollars, so I grinned from ear to ear and paid my dues.  Another patron entered and I turned to exit, when she hollered for me to stop.  She enquired if I was okay or not.  I said I was….She smiled, and said, “Girl troubles”.

“Yes Ma’am, you could say that”, I answered, whilst attempting to play it off.

“Take my card…Don’t do anything stupid…She’s not worth that”, she whispered, as she closed the card up in the palm of my hand.

I left there feeling grand and had a great time hiking (by myself).  And, do you know what, she’s not worth dong something stupid that I am not idiotic enough to do anyway.  Life is grand with or without a woman by my side.  She will never…ever find a man like me!  That is for damn sure!  I can outrun any other man my age, not to mention other things.

Tis not my intention to sound vain or anything such as that, but I’ve been crunching some numbers lately.  I’ve looked over statistics for some of my conditions, combined the percentages, and ended up with a rough estimate.  Few, and I mean very few people have survived with similar problems and lived to my age.  It doesn’t happen everyday.  Most die in their youths.  I have outlived all of my friends with debilitating conditions.  That humbles me!  I am rare….Very freaking rare!    People with some of my conditions make up 0.016% of the world population!    I’m not complaining, mind you, just stating the facts.

Yeah, I can act like every other jerk on the planet, but it isn’t in my nature to be mean.  Although, I have had to beat sense into people before, but only after being pushed into a corner.  From now on, I’m going to be who I am and not try so hard to be a part of the melting pot.  Technically, according to the docs anyway, I’m still mentally and emotionally maturing.  So, I don’t have everything figured out.  I am still trying to figure out who I am.  Of course, you can always be assured that there are two things about me that will never change.  I am straight (love you women – you should already know that though) and I believe in a supreme being.  Anything else is up for grabs. 

I stand atop a mountain and I view the world.
I do not deny that there is shadow lingering.
I admit that darkness obscures my vision.
I see and feel pain, loss, fright, and betrayal.
I sample the caustic salt of tears in the air.
I flinch and cringe and slam my eyes shut.
Secure in my own mind,
I enshroud myself from the hurt.
Comforted by the unwavering void,
Away from the immorality of the world.

It happens abruptly, I gasp, dazed.
My eyes opened wide.
The veil has vaporised and I can see.
People trotting their own trails,
Each path interlacing with countless others.
I see the world that is, I see truth and peace.
Spirited hikers of life with hands outstretched.
An ear for a voiceless tale,
A comradery to build upon,
An amigo to depend on.

I grin and my eyes well over with…
Angelic teardrops of joy pour down my face,
Yet my sight is not clouded.
I still observe life; I still chronicle the people.
The truth, desire, care, benevolence, and love;
All characteristics of homo sapiens.

The sun ascends over the azure arêtes
And bathes me in promising alacrity.
I stand atop a mountain and I view the world,
Reassured by the vitalising rays of light.
- Jefferson S. Davis-