I hope everyone is doing grand. I’ll be back to blogging soon. Thank you all for your lovely comments in the past. I hope to post something worth your reading very soon.
Monthly Archives: November 2008
Maxi Pain
Sshhhh…
It is of my opinion that that fecker, Maxi, has went to great lengths to infiltrate and destroy K8Opia. His latest attempt to freeze my communications with the Queen, K8 the Gr8, has been foiled. After much interrogation, his slimy cronies have turned in his latest GPS location. It turns out that Cane the Pain and his shrinking group of cohorts are plotting the destruction of K8Opia, and dare I say it, Cackaloo!
This potentate can not be trusted. One of our spies recently penetrated a so-called shelter for orphaned children. It turns out that he put the boys in a sectioned off wing that genetically turns them into evil mutant soldiers, while the girls are put into sweat shops. His deplorable actions do not stop there!
I thought of nuking his arse and ended it, but that would be too quick for a vile character such as him. Chemical warfare was put on the table, but we decided on Biological warfare. So, we are asking all citizens of K8Opia to capture their flatus and bring it to the Queen’s palace. By the time this transmission goes out, a giant fart bomb will be released over Maxi Cane and his chums current position. Hopefully, he will suffer worse than his subjects have.
Flyers, radios, and food will be dropped over MaxiLand immediately. K8 the Gr8 is a kind and gracious queen. The people of Maxiland will have a chance to defect or stay and create their own free nation.
All hail the Queen!
In MaxiLand another child goes hungry in a neighborhood just blocks away from one where Maxi is too full to eat another bite. Somewhere another citizen rises up against him only to be beaten to death in dark alleys. Somewhere another twelve-year-old is gunned down by Maxi’s army.
But somewhere, there have also always been people, like K8, who believe that this isn’t the way it was supposed to be – that things should be different. People who believe that while evil and suffering can be replaced with miracles and boundless dreams – a place where we’re not afraid to face down the greatest challenges in pursuit of the greater good; a place where, against all odds, we overcome. K8Opia!
Join us to fight evil tyrants over the globe and throughout the universe, such as Maxi Laxi!
Rat Kerfuffle
There Sam was in queue to vote, when he received a call from across the Rubicon. His ears perked up and he started screeching in a duplex exchange. The idioms used in the conversation were not consistent with the area in which he resides.
After he stopped chatting, two mice behind him started ranting about him in an abusive squeaking tone. The younger one reached out with his mitt and protruding snout and pecked on his back. “This poor fecker must be insane, messing with a squirrel like me”, Sam thought, as he turned around discovered him lurking.
“Aye, what u be doin’ here?”
“I’m here to vote for that buzzard wantin’ to live in the big house.”
‘You ah ‘merkan?”
‘Born in a Maple on Arch street”, Sam squealed whilst turning around.
“Ye don’t sound like yer from here, and you got another country’s shirt on”, the field mouse screeched whilst poking with a pollen laden paw.
“You’re going to dare question my citizenship?” Sam demands, as he raised to his hind legs.
“Yes, I am…”, the field mouse nervously answered.
“I forage for food all year long, only to have to give a third of it to the Gub’mint…I can wear or say whatever the feck I want”, he squealed, as he changed his posture to a fighting one.
At that moment, a muscular possum came running over with claws extracted. “You boys r gonna have to settle down, or I’m gonna have ta kick ye out here”,, he cried, whilst wrapping his large paws around their necks.
Sam voted and got the feck out of there before he was ambushed by a gang of street mice.
Later that night tattered and bruised, he hitched a ride on the bumper of a taxi home. He discovered the missus standing in the doorway of their maple home. With paws tucked tightly in her house coat, she cried, “I told ya not to wear that shirt’”.
He shook his head and ran out into the alley shrouded in fresh fallen leaves and pleaded for a car to hit him.
He gave up and went inside to plot the extermination of that smutty rat from across the water, Maxi Cane!
“That fucker is going down”, he cogitated whilst sending a cryptic troop movement message to k8 the Gr8!
Phoctober Reflections
With all of the tomfoolery going on in the world, I reckon all of us could use some gorgeous shots to illuminate the imagination.
Photography is serene to me. No matter what is going on in my life, taking pictures makes it all fade away. Picturesque scenes and a vivid imagination is all that is left.
Tempestuous Wake
It was a particularly warm and stormy Allhallows Eve on that fateful night. A storm was building round the ridges of the mountains that encircled the house. Flaming orange streaks ripped across the steel grey horizon to the west.
Grandpa sat in his rocking chair next to the oil fired stove in the corner. Unswayed by the roar thundering down the cotton hills, he sipped a cup of coffee and read the paper.
Nanna, on the other hand, gazed intently out at the lightning dancing around the pine trees. She and I sat on the couch under the south facing window and watched the dark clouds spill over the mountain tops and down to the valley below.
She turned to me with those beady green eyes and elevated eyebrows, and asked, “Would you like me to tell you scary story?”.
“He’ll have nightmares”, grandpa said, as he lit a cigar.
“No I won’t”, I muttered as the wind whooshed ‘round the house.
“Wuuuuhhhhhh”, he whispered while making spooky noises across the room.
“Behave Dee”, Nanna hollered whilst smiling at him.
“Are you ready?” She enquired, as she looked out at the closing storm.
“I’m ready”, I whispered while sitting Indian style.
“I grew up in a log cabin up high in the mountains….”
“What were the logs made of?” I asked with great enthusiasm.
“Let me finish”, she muttered as the wind picked up outside.
“How many rooms did it have?”
“Let me finish, please”, she stated, as she and grandpa laughed.
“Sorry…”
“Anyway, I grew up in a small log cabin with eight brothers and sisters. All of us slept in one bed, except for Frank. We called him stinky. He had a cot to himself. Momma and daddy slept in the main quarters next to the kitchen. It was a small place for so many kids….”
“When does it get scary?”
Grandpa laughed so hard that he almost spit out his cigar.
Nanna patted me on the head, and said, “Hush".
“One evening in the fall, Carey, the eldest sister, and I went down to the creek to fill four pails with water, as we did almost every evening when the boys had been out working. We had supper that night without a care in the world. Dad played the harmonica and mother played the dulcimer by the fire, as us kids sat in awe of them…”
“What happened next?” I demanded as a loud crack of thunder rumbled through the house.
“The next morning I went to wake Sarah to feed the animals and collect eggs for breakfast. I found her side of the bed was soaked with sweat. She was burning up with fever and uttering nonsense. We sent Frank on horseback to Dr. Billings house a few miles away.”
“What happened to your sister?”
Grandpa laughed again and went to the kitchen.
“Boy”
“By the time he got there….”
“Who?”
“The doctor…zip it!”
“When he arrived, we were all gathered around Carey. Mother was praying and reading passages from the family bible, while I and the other sister kept cool rags on her forehead. We had seen it before. I once had nine siblings, but Daniel died of a the same fate”, she mumbled, as she got up to light another candle.
Nanna ran through the house closing windows, forgetting the one where we sat. She and papa came back from the kitchen, he with a glass of milk and her with a ball of yarn and needle.
“All of the kids, including myself, huddled around the kitchen table praying and holding back our tears. We feared the worse for good reason. We had already lost a brother.
A great chill went down my spine, as I heard mother scream to the top of her lungs. Dr. Billings shortly followed by dad came down the ladder. I had never seen my father that way. He had no expression on his face. It was as though there was no soul in his body. Frank and the four other boys followed him outside. Sarah, the youngest of the bunch, and myself went up to find mother cradling Carey in her arms.
Mother rocked back and forth all night with Carey, stroking her hair and singing to her. The next morning we discovered Carey dead in mothers sleeping arms.”
“What did she die of?”
“Rocky Mountain Spotted Fever…Damn ticks!”
“Me and mother dressed her in her favourite dress that father had purchased for her while on a trip to Raleigh. All of our friends and neighbours showed up that afternoon at the church for the wake.”
“You didn’t wait three days?” I asked with curiosity
“We didn’t embalm people on those day, so the faster the better.”
“Oh!”
“That night, mother woke up screaming. None of us could sleep, so she told us about her nightmare. She had dreamed that Carey wasn’t dead and that she was still alive. Mother demanded that we go dig her up right then in the dead of night.
Daddy cracked open a bottle of moonshine and paced back and forth in the tiny kitchen. She became increasingly excited and pleaded with us to dig her up. Father tried to calm her down but to no avail.
At daybreak the next morning, I awoke still sitting at the kitchen table. Mother and father were gone. Fearful of what I might see, I ran to the church. Just as I approached the church, I heard mother wailing. I turned the corner of the church to discover the preacher and my parents crying and leaning over the freshly dug up casket.
As I ran towards them, the preacher screamed and motioned for me to stop. I kept runnin’…”
“Was she still alive?” I pleaded, as my eyes grew to the size of the oatmeal pie that grandfather was devouring.
“What I…what I saw has stayed with me all of my life”, she said, as she gulped and turned to the light show outside.
“Father turned with rivulets of tears streaming down his cheeks and cried for me to stop. I didn’t. I discovered my beautiful sister in shambles. We had buried her alive.”
“Oh God”, I yelled as a limb on the pine tree outside the window splintered and broke.
“Her long elegant fingers had been whittled to nubs, and all of her hair had been ripped out. Small gashes and blood covered her face and arms. I turned away from the horrific sight to find the top of the casket. On the underside of it a message was inscribed”, she muttered, as her voice shook with fear.
“What did it say?” I demanded, as my eyes twitched.
“It said, “”I curse all that put me in this box for all eternity and wish you all a happy Allhallows Eve””, she whispered whilst cackling like an evil witch.
“Aaarrgghhh”, I yelled!
“She really did have a sister that was buried alive”, grandpa muttered whilst lighting another cigar.
At that moment, lightning struck a tree in the yard, setting it ablaze. Grandpa fought the wind and hail long enough to put out the fire.
He ran back inside, and yelled, “A tornado is a comin’”.
We huddled together in the bathroom until the tornado passed. It skipped over his house and ravaged several homes a few streets over. I never forgot that night, nor did I quit asking about the girl in the coffin. He swore it was true, but she never would confirm it.















