It’s Not Easy…

I sat down this evening and stared at the screen for a bit. My mind was racing with ideas, but the old heart just wasn’t into the fiction that me pose wanted to spill.

I was off all day today. What did I do with the majority of my time? I helped other people. I realise that I shouldn’t say that I helped anyone. Knowing that I did several good deeds today should be enough. But, sometimes I need a pat on the back like anyone else.

I’m a very charitable person. I took two people that are poverty stricken out to breakfast this morning. Then, I did some volunteer work for an retirement community. And after all of that excitement, I worked on a computer for a friend. Have I ever asked for anything in return? No! I enjoy doing it!

When I finished helping everyone, I went downtown, had a Irish Creme Frap at the Coffee Underground, and watched lemon zest topped clouds dissolve into a deep blue sky. I had a grand day!

Regardless of the things I accomplished and things I saw, I came home to an empty house. That’s the bugger! Not everyone has someone…I know! But, it’s still a bugger. I hate coming home to an lifeless place. I find it to be repugnant! I have faults like everyone, but I am a good man with a good heart. I suppose that’s me downfall. Hearts are not very plentiful these days.

Some people irritate me. They moan and groan about trivial things, when they have a family to go home to. At least they have someone. All of my mates are hitched with kids, so I can’t drag them out drinking all the time. They think I have it made. But, these walls don’t talk back unless I am drinking Scotch. These four walls can’t make me laugh. These four walls can’t excite me. These four walls can’t make me mad. But, these four walls sure as hell can make me sad.

It is not my intention to sound like a whinger. I have two very big ears. I am good at listening to others troubles and do so a lot! Yet, it is a rarity for people to turn an ear my way. Some of my closest friends do listen, and they are a true blessing for it. Friendship is a two way street. To those of you that I have neglected lately, I am sorry.

I find it amazing how lonely and rejected a person can feel in their own parents home. I feel more at home in foreign lands than I do in my own backyard. Where is home? Hmmm…home is where the heart is, right? I reckon I just lack direction. That’s why I need an evil woman to kick me in the arse on a daily basis.

I suppose that as long as I’m happy in my own skin, then that’s all that matters. So, screw the doubters and haters.

I don’t expect comments or hits out of this rambling, nor do I desire them. It’s my truth. Honesty scares the living hell out of people!

Peace!

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4 thoughts on “It’s Not Easy…”

Aww chin up wingnut. We all feel a little lonely sometimes. Friendship is indeed a two way street and it takes effort on both sides. Maybe drinking with mates isn’t the way to go. Invite your mates and their families over . . it’s summer, have a barbie! And you dont want an ‘evil’ woman, you need a nice one!

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