Credit card companies have had a love affair with me for a long time. I pay my dues on time and usually add in a bit extra. I called two of my credit card companies today to close out the accounts. Below you’ll find the gist of the conversation:
“Hello, how are you today, Mr. Davis?” A cheerful bloke asks on the other end of the long wire that crosses the Rubicon.
“I’m grand, and yourself?” I ask him whilst putting my tea on.
“I’m great…thanks for asking”, says he with a bit of surprise.
“I need to close out the two credit cards that I have with your bank.”
“Might I ask why?”
“Because, I will no longer be under the grip of large corporations spreading their vile commercialization of everything I hold dear…”
“………………………………………………………………………………………………………….O……….kay’, he mutters during a long pause.
“That, and your interest rates are through the roof and I’m leaving the states for an indefinite amount of time”, says I whilst laughing.
“Interest rates, I can understand”, he jokingly replies
“By the way, what is your mother’s maiden name so I can access your accounts…?”
“Oh my God, don’t get me started….That question is a direct invasion of my privacy (pri-va-see)”, says I, whilst leaping from my desk chair.
“Sorry, we cannot access your account without it…Anyway, do you not mean privacy (pry-va-see)?”
“No, I mean Privacy (Pri-va-see).”
“May I have the maiden name, sir”, says he in a cheesed off tone.
“You’ve already got my DNA, so you might as well have me Mum’s maiden name, right?”
“Yep”, says he while snickering.
“If you don’t mind me inquiring, where are you going?”
“Here we go again…Ah, who am I kidding, they’ll find out anyway…I’m moving to Ireland for a minimum of three months but hopefully more, if I can secure a job and a visa.”
“Ah dude, that’s awesome…I’ve always wanted to go”, says the rep whilst getting excited.
“Save your money and come on over…I’ve got a friend that loves to show around sunglass wearing tourist…he’d even show you the bogs”, says I, as I started setting this poor chap up for a fall.
“Give me your email and I’ll email you some traveling tips and suggestions on places to stay”, sneakingly says I.
“That would be awesome…I’ve always wanted to go. My dad’s mother is from there”, says he as though we were making a brotherly bond.
“All right, I’ll give you your fist tip….”
“….Dude, go ahead…I’m psyched…I can’t wait to tell the wife”, says he while papers ruffle in the background.
“Okay, when you go into a pub in Ireland and you order your first pint of Guinness from the barkeep – make sure you call the bartenders, barkeeps…they will be insulted if you don’t – grab it as soon as he sets it down the first time…If he tries to take it from you, just wave him off and turn it up, froth and all”, says I whilst trying not to laugh.
“Thanks dude!”
I am mean and debt free! 
Heh! You’re learning fast! Bring him over, and we’ll give him a warm welcome.
Well done Wingnut debt free and fancy free. (but you’re not mean)
Good on you young man. Now the world is your Oyster
Well done Wingnut debt free and fancy free. (but you’re not mean). After Ray died many years ago, I went to the bank to pay off my mortgage and my credit card and the little shit in front of me cut the credit card in half. Right before my eyes because it was a joint account. I’d like to send him to the bogs . .without the benefit of Grandad’s bullet – sadly didn’ know Grandad at the time.
Grandad, will do!
Baino, why thank you.
Indded it is, Grannymar.
Baino, Grandad would have really came in handy with that prick!
Thanks all for the comments.
Tee hee – that “barkeep” tip is a mean one indeed. You’ll realise, you’ll just make Americans even greater pariahs in the eyes of Irish “barkeeps” and “peeps”! LOL!
Good on you for ditching the debt!